This Mother's Day, like every Mother's Day, we take a moment to pause and tell our mums how much they mean to us. I thought it would be fitting to explore the unique and lifelong relationship between mothers and daughters. Personally, I'm a mother to two boys and, well, a four-legged furry daughter called Ally—she and I share a special bond indeed!
My relationship with my mother, a classic Eastern European mum (for those unfamiliar, think over-protective instincts, generous helpings of guilt, and copious amounts of food), wasn’t the stereotypical picture-perfect scene of elegant high tea and white gloves. Instead, it was sometimes fractured, often challenging, yet always steeped in raw honesty and deep love.
As a teenager, I saw my mum as my absolute nemesis—honestly, I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, "OMG, she's such a drainer!" Writing this makes me laugh because I vividly recall those Saturday mornings spent cleaning the house under her vigilant supervision while my Australian friends were off enjoying little athletics or tennis. Instead, I became proficient in washing and ironing, skills that—admittedly—I now secretly thank her for.
Today, these cultural differences seem small, even humorous, within our beautifully diverse Australian landscape. As I've grown older and, crucially, become a mother myself, my perspective has shifted profoundly. I’ve come to deeply appreciate and cherish the evolution of our relationship. Her guidance, even when unconventional, has become something I rely upon daily. Our bond has deepened considerably over the years, and I've begun to see more of her in myself, just as she sees herself in me. There's an intuitive understanding between us now, a camaraderie born from shared experiences, struggles, and triumphs.
Becoming a mother myself truly transformed my understanding of my own mother. Managing young children, juggling mortgages, businesses, and the everyday pressures of life made me marvel at how she coped. There were three of us kids, no outside help, just my father and me, the eldest. This profound realization fostered a new respect and gratitude for her strength and resilience.
Psychologist Dr. Christiane Northrup, in her renowned book Mother-Daughter Wisdom, underscores the power and complexity of this relationship: "The mother-daughter relationship is at the core of every woman's physical and emotional health. It sets the stage for her adult relationships and her self-esteem." Northrup highlights how this relationship can shape confidence, emotional security, and even one's physical health throughout life.
Yet, for women who may not have mothers present in their lives, whether due to loss, absence, or estrangement, it’s essential to recognize alternative ways of nurturing that pivotal maternal connection. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical psychologist and author, emphasizes, "Relationships have the power to hurt us. And the power to heal us." Solomon suggests cultivating meaningful connections with mentors, close female friends, or supportive community groups, highlighting the transformative and healing power of relationships.
As we celebrate Mother's Day, let’s embrace all forms of maternal love—traditional or otherwise. Let's acknowledge the transformative power of this essential female relationship, appreciating the journey in all its beautiful complexity and celebrating the invaluable impact it has on shaping our lives as women.
I love sharing knowledge and wisdom, especially insights that can help you thrive. If you want to know more about Dr. Christiane Northrup and Dr. Alexandra Solomon, hit the links below.
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Maria Ugrinovski